Gay Spirituality

A friend of mine once went to New Orleans on a business trip.  He sent me a postcard from Madame Laveau’s House of Voodoo.  The postcard had an image of a voodoo doll full of pins and said “Keep in touch with your ex”.  I always found it humorous but the truth is that a lot of people have problems after a break up.  For some of us, there’s just a need to release the hurt feelings and move on.  And some more unfortunate people, are leaving lovers that have been abusive, either physically, mentally or emotionally.  (NOTE: If you’re in an abusive relationship, by all means use ritual to help you move on, but also seek professional help.)  Recently, a friend of mine posted online that someone close to him was having problems with a previous relationship and did anyone have any ideas for a ritual to help him move on.  Here’s some of the suggestions, I gave him.

First of all, timing the ritual is important.  Most of us in neo-paganism believe that magick should be timed with the moon.  I’d suggest doing the ritual during a waning moon so that your ex’s influence will also wane or during the New Moon–an excellent time for leaving things behind and looking to new beginnings.

Basically, my concept for a ritual revolves around undoing a handfasting.  For those of you unfamiliar with the term, handfasting is the pagan ritual similar to marriage.  The participants hands are bound during the ritual and they agree to walk their life path together for as long as they love each other.  To get rid of an ex, I recommend starting bound to the ex and undoing the bonds to release the energy of your previous bond and to begin to move on.  Obviously, your ex won’t be in the ritual so you’ll need stand in.  Here’s where there’s some room for variation, I’ll give you a couple.

If you have a good friend willing to stand in for your ex, you can do that.  Bless this person and make it clear that during the ritual they represent your ex but after the ritual, they’ll return to being your friend.  You can say something like this:

During this time that is not a time in this space that is not a space, you will be <ex’s name>.  We will release you and move on.  When we leave this time and this place, you shall return to your true nature but that which we’ve unbound will remain unbound and that which we’ve released will remain released forever.  So mote it be.

Bind your hands together and then during your ritual, unbind them and walk to opposite sides of the circle.  This symbolizes moving off the same life path and going your own way.

If you don’t want to have a person stand in, you can use two candles.  Get two man shaped (or woman shaped) candles.  Carve your name into one and your ex’s into the other.  Bind them together and have them on the altar.  At the appropriate time in the ritual, use scissors or a knife and physically cut the bonds.  Burn the candle with your ex’s name on it and allow it to burn down completely.  This will symbolize removing them from your life.

You can also use tarot cards.  Select one to represent yourself and one to represent your ex.  Lay them on top of one another on the altar.  During your ritual speak out your hurt feelings, your wounds and as you do so, slowly move the cards apart to opposite sides of the altar.  Release the energy that once held you together and your hurt.

Finally, you can have some fun with this idea too.  After all, laughter can be the best medicine.  My ex has a raging egomaniac.  You can go to an adult book store and get an inflatable doll.  Bind the hands like using a human stand in and then during the ritual, unbind yourself.  But this time, while walking away from your “ex”, open the air valve to deflate them.  I’m sure this one will give everyone in the ritual some giggles which can be very healing.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’m also a big fan of “acting in accord”.  In other words, act in a way to manifest whatever you’ve done in ritual.  Delete your ex from your contacts, your facebook, your myspace, etc.  Don’t go looking at their profile to see who they’re with now.  Don’t call them.  Make a clean break.

No matter how you do the actual ritual, I believe its important to do something to acknowledge and release the hurt feelings and the prior bonds during a breakup.  It can be as serious or as fun as you neeed.  Remember, this ritual is for your healing, do what will work best for you.

The GLBT community experienced another loss this year.  Author and organizer John R. Stowe has passed beyond the veil.  Thanks to my friend, West, for pointing this out to me.  White Crane Journal sent out an email with the information.  Apparently, John R. Stowe passed quite suddenly.

John is probably most known for his book, Gay Spirit Warrior: A Handbook for Men Who Love Men.  He’s also written Earth Spirit Warrior as well as several books on plant essences and oils.  He most recently lived in Decatur, GA where he practiced body-centered therapy.  He is survived by his partner, Monte and a large circle of friends.

I’ve spoken before on this blog about the Queer Spirit and the idea that even though many of us in the GLBT community don’t have biological children, we have spiritual ancestors.  When one of us passes, their energies mingle with the Queer Spirit and they become a spirit ancestor to those of us that seek their wisdom.  While John’s passing is certainly a loss to us all, he will live on and may his energy and wisdom inspire the next generation.

This year has seen several losses in the GLBT community: Del Martin, Martin Delaney, and now John R. Stowe.  But we will not forget them, and its my hope that they’ll inspire each of us to step forward and continue the work they started.

For this weeks “Other Voices”, I interviewed Phillupus.  Phillupus self-identifies as a “meta-gendered”, bi-identified, pansexual and definitely “queer”.  We talked about polytheism, about the Ekklesía Antínoou, and a bit about polarity in spiritual paths.

Julian: What spiritual path do you currently follow?  Please tell us a little bit about the core tenets and practices of your path.
Phillupus: If I had to describe it in an all-encompassing manner, I’d say polytheistic syncretism.  There are individual interests and affiliations within this that I have–including Ekklesía Antínoou (queer, Graeco-Roman-Egyptian syncretist reconstructionist polytheism devoted to Antinous); Neos Alexandria (Graeco-Egyptian syncretism); Celtic Reconstructionism, of primarily Irish, Welsh, and Romano-British varieties; Shinto; and Western interactions with Hinduism.  Note that none of these are a “spiritual path” as such in themselves, and ideally never would be so in a definite or narrowly delimited manner; each should be done according to the needs and interests of the individual involved, which of necessity varies greatly.

Since most forms of paganism and polytheism should, at least ideally, be more concerned with practice than with creed, I try to have as few tenets or dogmas as possible in all of this.  I suppose the basic one common to all of these different affiliations, all of which can be defined as pursuing polytheism in a syncretic manner, is that the gods exist, and that doing devotions to them through ritual, prayer, creative expression, meditation, and ethical action are all useful, effective, and productive things to do.  Beyond that (and even with that), it’s all philosophy–in other words, matters which are much debated, open to discussion, and which by nature cannot be objectively proven.  Again, I think that holding particular beliefs, or espousing them in an articulate manner, is nowhere near as important as actually living those beliefs and doing practical actions which uphold them.  There is far too much bluster and emphasis on belief in certain dominant religions, as well as in some forms of paganism, that is to my mind counter-productive, and so I’m trying whenever possible to not indulge my theological scholarship background with a lot of talk, and instead to make sure that my feet and my hands and my demeanor are speaking as loud as possible by their actions and way of being.

Since the Ekklesía Antínoou is probably of most interest in this regard to the readers of your column, the most basic things that could be said are that Antinous is a god (whatever that means–an archetype, an internal psychological reality or symbol, an external and independently volitional entity, etc.), and that divinity is an inherent part of everyone and can be realized and actualized.

Julian:  How does your gender and/or sexual orientation influence your spirituality?
Phillupus: I don’t think it’s possible to not have one’s gender or sexual orientation influencing their spiritual choices, at least in some way.  The way one does spirituality has much to do with experience–and not just the experience of indoctrination or education in a particular religious framework–thus, one’s experience of one’s gender and sexual orientation should have some measurable impact on one’s spiritual practice and approaches.  At this point in my life, I’m not too interested, though, in nailing down exactly what those influences have been, where they are not already obvious.  I’m less concerned with the self-consciousness that so many people in modern alternative spirituality seem to revel in, and more concerned with just doing the work, getting down to business, and making sure that my concrete actions reflect my best intentions and are in line with my ideals; but, the most important bit of that is doing the concrete actions.  Intent and ideals are never enough in themselves.

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I wrote earlier about some ideas for the Imbolg ritual I was to facilitate for my grove.   In that post, I said that once the ritual came together I would post it here for anyone that might be interested.  As I worked on the ritual, I made some changes and expanded the ritual slightly.  If you use this ritual yourself, please let me know how it worked for you and whether you made any changes to it.  Without further introduction, here’s what I came up with:

Supplies:
One white taper in a candleholder
One red taper in a candleholder
One black taper in a candleholder
3 tealights per ritual participant
Some dried hyssop
A censer and charcoal

Set the 3 tapers in a row across the back of the altar.  In the center of the altar or circle put a tray, cauldron or something to place the tealights in or on.  (I used a large platter to keep wax off the altar).

Light the charcoal.  Cast your sacred space in whatever way you normally do.  We invoked the four elements in the quarters and invoked the God.  We didn’t do an invocation of the Goddess since our ritual was calling on her extensively.

Start by explaining that Imbolg is the half away point between winter and spring.  Our ancestors often lit fires to “strengthen” the sun and encourage the end of winter.  It’s also a time of new beginnings and a time for cleansing (spring cleaning, anyone?).  As such, houses were often aired out and cleaned at this time.

Burn some hyssop on the charcoal and use it as a smudge to lightly smudge the circle and each participant.  You can talk briefly about how hyssop is traditionally associated with purification and cleansing and was used in medeival grimoires for ritual paths.

Now, pass out 3 tealights to each participant.

Light the white taper.  Invoke Brigid as the maiden and the fires of the hearth.  Here’s the verbiage I used:

Lady, we call upon you as the maiden, the keeper of the fires of the hearth.   We call upon you as the protector and keeper of community, fertility and family.  Be with us and kindle among us the fires of the hearth.

Each person lights one tealight from the taper and put it in the center while thinking about the bonds of community.  Then go around the circle and have each person speak something that they’ll do in the next year to strengthen the bonds of community of their chosen family.

Next, light the red taper and invoke Brigid as the mother and the fires of the forge.  I used something like this:

Lady, we invoke you as the mother, keep of the fires of the forge.  We invoke you as the patroness of the crafts, the protector of law and order and as the champion of justice.  Kindle the fires of justice and of activism, of our desire for equality and for the rule of law.

Have each person light a tealight and place it in the center.  Then go around the circle and have each person speak something that they’ll do to foster justice in the world.

Finally, light the black taper.  Invoke Brigd as the crone and the fire of inspiration.  I used the following:

Lady, we invoke you as the crone, the fires of inspiration.  We invoke you as the bringer of poetry, the creative spark, our muse.  We invoke you as she who knows what lies beyond.  Kindle in us the fires of creativity, of wisdom, of expression.

Have each person light their last tealight and place in the center of the altar.  Then go around the circle and have each person express how they will foster their creativity and their expression.

Thank the powers and the Goddess and close as you see fit.  Allow the tealights to burn out on their own.

When we did this ritual, I also said a few words after each person finished.  I thanked the aspect of the Goddess we’d invoked and asked that she kindle the fires within us.   Feel free to adapt this ritual to your group.  We were specifically seeking to strengthen the bonds between us and to inspire people to activism so you may associate different actions to each of the three aspects.

Sorry about the dramatic headline, but now that I have your attention, I do want to talk about a very real conflict that’s happening in our country.  This conflict threatens our civil rights, our way of life and it threatens the evolution of the human race as a species.  It’s the conflict between religion and spirituality.

Last night, I saw the movie Milk with a group of friends.  We were all quite touched and moved by the film.  For those of you not familiar, Milk tells the story of gay rights activist Harvey Milk who became the first openly gay elected official when we won the race for Board of Supervisors in San Francisco.  An important part of the backdrop of Harvey Milk’s story though is the initiatives begun by Anita Bryant to repeal laws that protected gays from discrimination in jobs and in housing.  Harvey Milk fought Proposition 6 in California which would have allowed a teacher to be fired for being gay or for supporting gay people.  He felt it was important that they win the fight against Prop 6 to give gay men and women in other parts of the country hope.

This is where it really struck me in terms of the war we fight now.  We’re still being vilified and lied about by the religious right, a group of people who claim to be full of God’s love (they’re certainly full of something!).  As we fight the “war against terror” against Islamic Fundamentalists in other parts of the world, Christian Fundamentalists have been terrorizing us here.  But I think the issue goes deeper.  It’s about the difference between religion and spirituality.  I’d like to take a moment to describe the differences as I see them.

Religion relies on dictating a series of rules regarding what one should do or do not.  There is no focus on developing ones own moral compass but rather an emphasis on following the dictates of those “in charge”.  Religion claims to understand God’s love, while not really having a real experience or expression of it.  It’s dead, rote obedience to an established order.

Spirituality, on the other hand, is a living thing.  It comes from an overflow of love and joy that wells up from within and expresses itself in small ways–a touch, a laugh, a common bond.  The morality of spirituality is more personalized.  We do what is right based on a mutual respect for one another and a recognition that we are all one and all part of this beautiful creation.  As such, we develop our own moral compass that leads us based on our own very real experience of the divine.

I believe that religion at one time was necessary.  As man developed civilization we needed rules to live by and guidelines for what is right.  But as our consciousness has evolved, we’ve come to a deeper understanding of divinity, our moral compass has developed and we no longer need religion to lead us about by the nose.  Religion is for the small minded.  Spirituality is for those of us that experience the divine daily and are growing into something new and beautiful day by day.  We as a people need to embrace our spirituality and say “no” to religion.  We must fight it with every fiber of our being.  If we lose this war, we will become slaves to dogma and human evolution will re-enter a dark age once more.

How do we fight religion?  I believe there are a couple key things that we must do.  First, we need to lead genuine, open lives filled with love and joy.  We need to set aside our differences within our communities and build bonds with one another.  Secondly, we need to shine a light on the lies and twisted truths that religion needs to be successful.  We need to come out and take a stand and speak our truths.   We need to show the world that these people are not filled with love.

Anyone who’s worked ritual in a neo-pagan context (especially Wicca) is familiar with the concept of banishing at the end of ritual.  We all have different names for it–”closing the circle”, “the license to depart”, etc.  No matter what we call it though, the standard formula is pretty similar.  Typically, the banishing pentagrams are drawn at the four quarters and some type of license to depart is spoken.  But why do we do that and even more importantly, should we?

Modern Wicca’s ritual format is largely derived from the rituals of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn.  In the Golden Dawn system, the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram is used extensively particularly after operations involving magickal evocation.  Wicca has long made a distinction between “invocation” and “evocation” so I wonder a bit why we still need to banish.

Additionally, most neo-pagan philosophy holds that the four elements make up the basis of our entire world.  Joined with a fifth element of spirit in a balanced fashion, they are the divine substance of the cosmos.  Wouldn’t it reason then that they’re part of us?  Why would we need to banish something that is inherent in our own nature?  It seems counter-intuitive.

“Well, hang on”, you might say, “What about dark or evil energies that need to be banished?”  This, in my opinion, is a hold back to what we commonly refer to as “white ligher” or “fluffy bunny paganism”.  After all, we recognize that the Goddess is both a creator and a destroyer and we claim that evil doesn’t really exist outside of her.  There’s light and dark but they’re not really good or evil.  So again, why banish the darkness if it’s just another aspect of Goddess and of ourselves?

Isn’t this, in some ways, what the straight world has tried to do with the GLBT community?  We represent impulses that they recognize within themselves so they try to banish us by outlawing us, by stripping us of our equality or claiming that its some kind of evil or sinful choice.  In many ways, GLBT people represent the shadow side of our straight brothers and sisters.  We refuse to be banished.  Should we not at the same time, recognize our own shadow–our destructive urges, our dark desires?

Incidentally, I do think that this is one area where the GLBT community is more in step with the nature of the universe.  In many ways, we recognize our darker sides and express them–through BDSM, leather, the stereotype of the bitchy queen.  I think perhaps in making our spirituality our own, it might be time to release this idea of banishing the “dark” or the “elements” and embrace these energies as our own.  Perhaps in developing a genuine gay spirituality we need to rethink how we do ritual and what energies are really there and what purpose they serve.  I think its time for gay pagans to devise a new ritual format that is more instep with our consciousness.

Our grove is celebrating Imbolg this Saturday.   One tradition we have is that we take turns facilitating the ritual for each sabbat.  It’s my turn to facilitate this one.  I’ve been working on developing my ritual for the sabbat and I have to admit, I was a bit stumped at first.

I started to think about what Imbolg typically represents.  Usually celebrated on February 2, Imbolg was a time in which new beginnings were celebrated.  Some believe that the word Imbolg comes from a Celtic word meaning “ewe’s milk”.  During this time, the ewes would be lactating in preparation to give birth in the early spring.  It was also celebrated as Brigid’s Day.  As such it became a “fire festival” in which the fires of the hearth were celebrated.  This has also traditionally been a time to divine the weather which is where the tradition of Ground Hog’s Day comes from.

Our guest speaker for this year’s Between the Worlds is Rich Wandell.  We selected Rich due to his involvement in activism in New York City and to coincide with the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.  This has been a trying year for the GLBT community.  We’ve made some steps forward towards equality and had some big setbacks like the approval of Proposition 8 in California.  We decided that we really needed to renew an interest in activism among our community and that we needed to bring up some of the spiritual aspects of activism–of working together from the heart.

As I was thinking about this, I came up with my idea for Imbolg.  In many ways, GLBT people have suffered a long winter.  It’s time to divine the weather and see when this winter will come to an end, when we’ll enjoy the equality we deserve.  But more than passively looking towards the end of the discrimination and inequality, we need to encourage the sun to gather its strength.  We need to rekindle the hearth fires of community and the spirit of activism.  This Imbolg, our grove is going to symbolically “light a fire under our asses”.

I’m still fine tuning the ritual and I’ll post the outline and text of it after Imbolg, but I’m thinking that we’ll light candles and name those causes that we still need to fight for: a cure for AIDS, non-discrimination in employment, marriage equality, the ability to adopt, etc.  As we light candles and name these things we’ll visualize the fire of the spirit of activism catching in our community and bringing strength and passion into our community.  We’ll visualize our community working together.  Then we’ll go around the circle and each person will name one thing that they’ll do before the next sabbat to make this happen.

Imbolg is the perfect time to recommit as a community to working together for equality.  The traditional associations of this time of year fit perfectly with the idea of rekindling our activist spirits.  Won’t you join us and light a fire of activism in your community?

For this week’s “Other Voices”, I interviewed grovemate and friend, Jeremy–also known as “Daystar”.  Jeremy is a gay male and identifies as an eclectic Wiccan but claims that he hasn’t owned the word “witch” quite yet.  He’s a member of the Green Faerie Grove of Columbus, Ohio (of which yours truly is also a member).  He’s also the High Priest of Jaguar Moon, one of the oldest cyber covens on the Internet.  He’s been the workshift coordinator at Between the Worlds for several years.  We talked a bit about how being gay has affected his spiritual outlook (and vice versa) and about being in a cyber coven.

Julian: How long have you been involved in your path?  What leadership positions do you hold?
Jeremy: I’ve been practicing for almost 16 years, and am currently the High Priest of JaguarMoon CyberCoven. I’m also a member of Green Faerie Grove out of Columbus, Ohio.

Julian: So this isn’t the path you were raised in?  Why did you change and how did your sexuality affect your choice?
Jeremy: Oh, Lord and Lady, no.  I was raised Lutheran and then borderline Fundamentalist/Evangelical.  When I was in college, I also looked into converting to Mormonism.  I started practicing Wicca before I came out;the two were somewhat related, but not strongly.  Wicca helped me discover more of who I am and how my sexuality works as part of me and part of the world around me.

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Some of you may not know Jeff Altergott or his music.  Jeff’s a singer/songerwriter from the Chicago area and has been the musical guest at Between the Worlds on a couple of occasions.  His song, Brothers Beautiful, was inspired by his experience at Between the Worlds and is one of my favorite songs for a number of reasons.

Primarily, I like this song because it reminds me of the brotherhood that exists in my spiritual community.  We don’t always agree or get along but we’re still connected.  I’ve been reading a lot about the interconnectedness of all of us lately and that seems to be a theme that keeps coming back.  I think Jeff’s song in many ways captures that idea or feeling, at least it does for me.

Saturday night, my partner and I hosted a get-together of friends.  A large group of us got together and had dinner, went to see a movie and then came back to our home for dessert.   It was a beautiful night and reinforced this idea of brotherhood for me.  What was especially significant is that some of the people that attended didn’t know each other well.   And some of them have had some differences in the past.  But for one delightful evening, it seemed that everyone forgot about their differences, their disagreements and their baggage and just spent time being together.  To me that is in many ways the real essence of gay spirituality.  Just being together regardless of our differences or similarilities.

So far, I’ve been having a pleasant Saturday morning.  I slept in, which is something I always appreciate because I tend to be working on so many projects, I never get enough sleep.  After checking email and puttering for a bit, my partner and I took the dog for a walk at Easton Town Center and bought Starbucks.  I’m sitting here now starting to work on projects and noticed the quote on my Starbucks cup:

The way we get to live forever is through memories stored in the hearts and souls of those whose lives we touch.  That’s our soul print.  It’s our comfort, our emotional nourishment at the end of the day and the end of a life.  How wonderful that they are called up at will and savored randomly.  It seems to me we should spend our lives in a conscious state of creating these meaningful moments that live on.  Memories matter.  –Leeza Gibbons Television and radio personality

I found this to be a beautiful thought and an inspirational goal.  I’ve talked before on this blog about my concept of the Queer Spirit and remembering those that have passed on.  I think this quote really catches a lot of the essence of what I’ve been saying.  It also strikes me that some people do naturally live their lives in a way that they are consciously creating meaningful moments that will outlive them.  Several years ago, the Between the Worlds community lost a member, Crystal Bear.  I presided over one of several remembrances for him in our spiritual community.  It also struck me how deeply his loss was felt because of the beautiful memories of him that people held in their hearts.  He’s still remembered today and its not unusual for people to mention him at Between the Worlds.

The last two sentences of this quote really captured me.  It’s important to live in a conscious state of creating meaningful memories.  That’s how we live on.  It’s the energy we give to the Queer Spirit and its what prompts others to remember us.  It struck me that each person that has been a positive force in our community has on some level consciously created these meaningful memories.  It’s a goal I will strive for and I hope that you’ll make it part of your spiritual practice.  Start today, set time aside to be with a friend, a loved one or members of your community and spend time making a beautiful memory.  Someday it will be your memorial.