Gay Spirituality

For this weeks “Other Voices”, I interviewed Phillupus.  Phillupus self-identifies as a “meta-gendered”, bi-identified, pansexual and definitely “queer”.  We talked about polytheism, about the Ekklesía Antínoou, and a bit about polarity in spiritual paths.

Julian: What spiritual path do you currently follow?  Please tell us a little bit about the core tenets and practices of your path.
Phillupus: If I had to describe it in an all-encompassing manner, I’d say polytheistic syncretism.  There are individual interests and affiliations within this that I have–including Ekklesía Antínoou (queer, Graeco-Roman-Egyptian syncretist reconstructionist polytheism devoted to Antinous); Neos Alexandria (Graeco-Egyptian syncretism); Celtic Reconstructionism, of primarily Irish, Welsh, and Romano-British varieties; Shinto; and Western interactions with Hinduism.  Note that none of these are a “spiritual path” as such in themselves, and ideally never would be so in a definite or narrowly delimited manner; each should be done according to the needs and interests of the individual involved, which of necessity varies greatly.

Since most forms of paganism and polytheism should, at least ideally, be more concerned with practice than with creed, I try to have as few tenets or dogmas as possible in all of this.  I suppose the basic one common to all of these different affiliations, all of which can be defined as pursuing polytheism in a syncretic manner, is that the gods exist, and that doing devotions to them through ritual, prayer, creative expression, meditation, and ethical action are all useful, effective, and productive things to do.  Beyond that (and even with that), it’s all philosophy–in other words, matters which are much debated, open to discussion, and which by nature cannot be objectively proven.  Again, I think that holding particular beliefs, or espousing them in an articulate manner, is nowhere near as important as actually living those beliefs and doing practical actions which uphold them.  There is far too much bluster and emphasis on belief in certain dominant religions, as well as in some forms of paganism, that is to my mind counter-productive, and so I’m trying whenever possible to not indulge my theological scholarship background with a lot of talk, and instead to make sure that my feet and my hands and my demeanor are speaking as loud as possible by their actions and way of being.

Since the Ekklesía Antínoou is probably of most interest in this regard to the readers of your column, the most basic things that could be said are that Antinous is a god (whatever that means–an archetype, an internal psychological reality or symbol, an external and independently volitional entity, etc.), and that divinity is an inherent part of everyone and can be realized and actualized.

Julian:  How does your gender and/or sexual orientation influence your spirituality?
Phillupus: I don’t think it’s possible to not have one’s gender or sexual orientation influencing their spiritual choices, at least in some way.  The way one does spirituality has much to do with experience–and not just the experience of indoctrination or education in a particular religious framework–thus, one’s experience of one’s gender and sexual orientation should have some measurable impact on one’s spiritual practice and approaches.  At this point in my life, I’m not too interested, though, in nailing down exactly what those influences have been, where they are not already obvious.  I’m less concerned with the self-consciousness that so many people in modern alternative spirituality seem to revel in, and more concerned with just doing the work, getting down to business, and making sure that my concrete actions reflect my best intentions and are in line with my ideals; but, the most important bit of that is doing the concrete actions.  Intent and ideals are never enough in themselves.

Julian: How long have you been practicing this path?
Phillupus: I’ve been attempting to follow this type of path for about sixteen years, and have been doing so most effectively in the past seven or eight years; my own Ekklesía practice began in mid-2002.

Julian: Do you hold any positions of leadership in the spiritual or GLBT community?
Phillupus: Some might say that!  However, I don’t put too much emphasis on this matter either.  Spiritual authority, where it does exist, should be something vested in one’s own self; and if others look to one’s own example in this regard, they should do so knowing that their own adaptation of and opinions about particular ways of practice is just as important to recognize, acknowledge, pursue, and discuss as that example being set by someone else they hold in esteem.

Julian: Do you feel that your path has something of special importance to offer the GLBT community?
Phillupus: I could talk about particular divisions of my various affiliations in this regard, but first I’ll speak of these things in general.  One of the most important aspects of polytheism is that it counters monotheistic and monistic thinking on many ideas apart from the conception of godhead and divinity.  So many people think that the best ecumenical/interfaith statement that can be made is one from the Upanishads, “The truth is one; the sages speak of it by many names,” or that there is ultimately one goal but many paths to it.  However, I think that’s still monistic thinking.  I’d be more inclined to say “The truth is multiple, and the paths to each of these are also multiple.”  I look at other pagans, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, and many other religious practitioners with their diverse paths and say “No, that’s not what I’m doing, and that’s not where I’m going, but I’m happy for them to be doing so and will fully support their right to do as they choose.”  This particular matter of theology has profound influences on how one would have to view sexual orientation and gender.  There can be no true normativity when truly plural polytheism is concerned, so no one gender or sexual orientation can be set up as “the right one,” and any others as somehow “wrong,” “disordered,” “sinful,” or any other negative descriptor.

In terms of the Ekklesía Antínoou, there is a big difference in it compared to almost every other religion that is currently known as far as LGBT relations are concerned.  The Ekklesía is not only LGBTQ-affirmative or friendly, or even LGBTQ-positive, it is “LGBTQ-based,” for lack of a better term.  The original cultus to Antinous in the late antique world was founded, most basically, not because Antinous was deified by Egyptian custom, but because the Emperor Hadrian loved him and wanted him to be memorialized in a special and particular manner.  The very practice and history of the cultus, therefore, is one entirely based in homoerotic love.  No matter how accepting any other religion might be towards LGBTQ people (and that many of them are is a good thing, but there’s still much work to be done in this regard for them), this particularity is a notable one.  So, a person affiliated with the Ekklesía, unlike in most other religions, will never have the experience of being an “outsider” to the religion and its spiritual viewpoints.  But, the concerted effort at present with the Ekklesía is to make sure that there are no “outsiders” at all in it, based on any factor (gender, sexual orientation, age, disability status, economic background, etc.).

 Julian: Is this the same spiritual path you grew up with?  If not, why did you change and how did you select your current path?
Phillupus: No, not even remotely!  I became interested in non-Christian religions at a very early age, but only decided to pursue them after a variety of near death experiences due to ongoing/chronic illness in my mid-teens, which proved more amenable to my general outlook on life than anything I had found within Christianity.  While I do emphasize to most people that I did not leave Christianity (though, I might argue, I was never really a full part of it to begin with, in any meaningful manner) due to the general negativity towards LGBTQ people, but instead because of basic theological differences, I also think that if I were to still be Christian, the fact of this general negativity (except in some denominations–UCC, MCC, and some Episcopalians for example) would cause me to either leave the religion, or to join a splinter/radical group like the Rainbow Sash movement in Australia.

Julian: Does your gender and/or sexual orientation lead you to practice your chosen spirituality differently from straight people in that same path?
Phillupus: I certainly think that even well-intentioned, LGBTQ-friendly, straight people who are also polytheists often don’t realize how much LGBTQ issues and gender diversity matters are total blind-spots in their thinking; so, on that level, I’m certainly much different than them.  As for the Ekklesía Antínoou, there aren’t too many “100% straight” (whatever that means) people who have been vocal participants in the group, so I’m sure their approaches (when they become known) will be much different than those in the group who are of a homoerotic or gender diverse identity.

Julian: Do you feel that the GLBT community is more or less in tune with their spirituality than say 10 years ago?

Phillupus: Unfortunately, I think the tendency today is the same as, if not more difficult, than it was ten years ago among the LGBTQ-identified sections of the population (I hesitate to use the term “community,” since bi and trans exclusion is still a major reality, and even amongst individual sections of the acronym, there is much adversity and hostility–issues of ageism, lookism, and gender presentation being among the difficult factors), because so many polarizing and discriminatory actions have been taken by groups who think they own the term “religion.”  Thus, Catholicism’s (further) recent encyclicals and actions against LGBTQ equality, Proposition 8’s overwhelming institutional support by the Mormon church, criminal executions of homoerotically inclined Muslims in Iran, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia, and continued violence and persecution against such people, and the general fundamentalist/evangelical/dominionist hatred of all things queer, has soured “religion” for many LGBTQ people, and rightfully so.  However, it is important to remember that not all (institutional or organized) religions do this, and in fact some are quite hospitable to homoeroticism, or it is simply a non-issue–the latter is the case with Shinto, for example, and having sexuality be a non-issue is a huge step forward in comparison to many religious viewpoints where homoeroticism’s presence or its lack and one’s stance on it seems to be THE defining issue.  The conduct of these religions and denominations is, to put it mildly, appalling, reprehensible, and disgusting.  It has made it difficult for those of us who are religious (in whatever form) to even have a civil conversation in certain LGBTQ circles, since “religion” has been thought to be fundamentally opposed to “sexuality” in almost every recognizable form.

However, year after year I observe the same things happening:  teenage and twenty-something LGBTQ people who come out, reject everything of the consensus culture and morality with which they were raised (again, often rightly so, when it has been an oppressive morality based in poorly understood and sloppily executed institutional religious notions, usually of a creedal monotheistic bent), but then after five to ten years of rebellion and eventual indifference, a need is felt for community and a search for meaning in one’s wider life, which tends to only be something that can be addressed by a spirituality or religious framework (and I take those as synonyms, more or less) of some sort.  Where does one fit in to the wider world and the universe?  This is a very important question to ask oneself on one’s path toward self-acceptance and self-love, which is ultimately what the whole process of coming out as an LGBTQ person boils down to, I think.  That there are worldviews and understandings of spirituality which can allow an LGBTQ person full inclusion, and can advance their self-understanding and their enjoyment of their own life and the world and other people in general, is a reality of which far too few people who identify as homoerotically inclined or as gender diverse seem to be aware.  One should not only feel free to accept and claim the notion of spirituality for oneself as an LGBTQ person, but also the term “religion.”

Julian: What unique gifts do you feel GLBT people bring to their spiritual communities?
Phillupus: The emphasis on the interplay of dualism that is a given for most non-LGBTQ people in spiritual paths is something that the presence of LGBTQ people in a spiritual community can problematize and question…and I think that’s a very good thing!  The “inherent polarity” of much spiritual thinking, both Eastern and Western, is something that is entirely culturally constructed, and has no more material reality as its basis than the idea that “Elvis is everywhere” (or anything else, no matter how amusing, which can’t be empirically proven with pie charts and boring technical writing!).  I also think that LGBTQ people can demonstrate that there are ways of rejuvenation, revivification, resurrection, and even procreation and productivity which are not dependent on the male/female sexual dynamic–but this is really just a further development of the first idea of problematization of dualism and polarity which LGBTQ people can contribute, under the right circumstances.  I would add the caveat, though, that many LGBTQ folks are sadly not aware of how they can do this, and have been mislead into thinking in ways that don’t do them full justice; so, this is a potential that may or may not be actualized in many cases.

Julian: As I understand, you belong to a path that stresses youthfulness and beauty as divine traits.  What does your path offer to older men?  How does becoming middle-aged affect people that follow your path?
Phillupus: I would disagree that the Ekklesía Antínoou stresses youthfulness and beauty as divine.  After all, the main person to whom we are dedicated is, at last count, over 1800 years old, and even if he died while still young, that’s beyond geriatric by anyone’s reckoning–even Methuselah’s!  Yes, Antinous was young and beautiful, but that doesn’t mean that only youth or only the conventionally beautiful are things worthy of praise, or are divine in nature.  Youthfulness does have a wisdom which is often ignored or taken for granted, if not actively derided, by age, and this is one thing that I think this group emphasizes–age does not have the monopoly on wisdom.  The fact that I was in my mid-20s when I started on this path, almost entirely from scratch, should give some indication of how I feel about what it is that younger people can contribute to spiritual discourse in general!  However, likewise, and in contrast to the general trends among the gay-identified population, we also do actively emphasize the beauty of elders (and the middle aged, and anyone who is not under the age of 25!)–beauty is something that not only young people possess, and it isn’t even something that only the so-called “beautiful” possess.  All bodies are beautiful by virtue of the fact that they’re bodies.  Sir Ian McKellen is, and Sir John Gielgud was, glorious, beautiful, and spectacular men in their advanced ages.  Harvey Milk was not what you’d call conventionally handsome, but he’s one of my greatest role models (though I have no wish to be assassinated like he was).  Harvey Fierstein is not slim-and-trim and an icon of conventional beauty, nor is Elton John and a great many other queer men and women over the age of 30, but I defy anyone to say that these are not beautiful and wonderful people–and it isn’t a beauty that comes from having a great personality or exceptional artistic talents or intelligence and charm (though none of those things hurt!), it is the beauty of being who one is as fully and as fiercely as possible.  The figures of Divus Hadrianus, the Divine Hadrian, whose actions were utterly necessary to the existence of and all of our knowledge about Antinous’ cultus, as well as Serapis (the bearded elder deity who is the product of syncretism from Greek and Egyptian cultures), are both very important deities and exemplary figures in our practice and reckoning, and if anything they have much more to say and have greater appeal for older gay men.

The simple fact of the matter is that the bulk of our membership is queer men over the age of 40, and this has almost always been the case; the number of twenty-somethings or late teenagers is small to none.  I can’t help but think that the appeal our group has is not exclusively to people who admire and appreciate youthful male beauty.  The ancient Greek and Roman view on age was that perfection of wisdom and virtue did not come until one was quite advanced–and I don’t mean “35,” I mean in one’s 60s, or more if it were possible.  The idea of supporting and admiring youthful and ephebic beauty was in order to foster its development into maturity, virtue, and wisdom in later life.  Again, age does not have the monopoly on wisdom, but likewise youth cannot but err in thinking that it has everything worth knowing figured out by the time one is 26.  The idea that my own age–which is 32–is basically dead in gay years is something that I would like to see abolished in the wider queer world, and I’d like the virtues and experiences of people who are older to have an impact and be valued in and of themselves by those who are younger, and by the people who have those virtues and experiences themselves.  So, I think there’s a lot potentially to offer those who are older than 35 in this particular group.

Julian: How does your path view sex?  How do you view sex and spirituality?
Phillupus: Any sex that is meaningfully consensual and legal is perfectly fine as far as the Ekklesía Antínoou is concerned.  Note that important word “meaningful”:  someone who is drunk or on drugs cannot give meaningful consent, nor can someone who is in a situation of immense peer pressure or coercion give meaningful consent.  Sex, under the right circumstances, can be a religious activity–but that does not simply mean that any and all sexual practices are automatically “spiritual,” or that sex should be used for spirituality or as an excuse (e.g. “We’re having a sexual ritual, therefore YOU should have sex with ME because it’s spiritual to do so and would be good for you!”), or even that exceptionally pleasurable and mind-boggling sex is automatically a “religious experience.”  Sex between people, or even just with oneself, isn’t always “good,” no matter how loving the people involved might be or how sincere the desire is to give another pleasure.  Even these things, though, can be “spiritual” or “religious,” and one should not be put off by such things.  Some things in religion and spirituality just take time, effort, and repeated practice and study to get right or to do effectively, and the same is true of sex; stopping because it is frustrating or boring or not fulfilling in the moment is not a good thing, both with spirituality and sexuality.

I think of sexuality as a wonderful gift and a profound source of insight, pleasure, experiential wisdom, and power; but it is also something that can be used as a weapon, and can become an obsession, a stumbling block, and a nuisance if handled improperly.  The same is true of spiritual insight and religious experience and authority as well.  I think that sexuality and spirituality are connected on a deep and foundational level, but not inextricably so, if that makes sense–not everything that is spiritual is sexual, nor is all that is sexual also automatically spiritual.  They are not two, but not one either, in other words.

Julian: What would you like to share with GLBT people interested in your path?  How would one go about becoming part of your path?
Phillupus: If you’re a person who is interested in and feels inspired by ancient forms of paganism, and wants to approach these in the modern world from the standpoint of being LGBTQ-based, the Ekklesía is not a bad group with which to contemplate affiliating oneself!  While there is an Antinoan Mystery initiation offered to those who are able and willing to partake of it in our group, apart from that membership is self-selected and fairly unregulated, and simply entails being a part of our Yahoo group.

Julian: How can you be contacted?  Email?  Web site?
Phillupus: The best way to get in touch with me would be on the Ekklesía Antínoou Yahoo group, which can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ekklesia_antinoou/ ; and I can be contacted via e-mail as well–aediculaantinoi (at) hotmail (dot) com.

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