Gay Spirituality

A friend of mine once went to New Orleans on a business trip.  He sent me a postcard from Madame Laveau’s House of Voodoo.  The postcard had an image of a voodoo doll full of pins and said “Keep in touch with your ex”.  I always found it humorous but the truth is that a lot of people have problems after a break up.  For some of us, there’s just a need to release the hurt feelings and move on.  And some more unfortunate people, are leaving lovers that have been abusive, either physically, mentally or emotionally.  (NOTE: If you’re in an abusive relationship, by all means use ritual to help you move on, but also seek professional help.)  Recently, a friend of mine posted online that someone close to him was having problems with a previous relationship and did anyone have any ideas for a ritual to help him move on.  Here’s some of the suggestions, I gave him.

First of all, timing the ritual is important.  Most of us in neo-paganism believe that magick should be timed with the moon.  I’d suggest doing the ritual during a waning moon so that your ex’s influence will also wane or during the New Moon–an excellent time for leaving things behind and looking to new beginnings.

Basically, my concept for a ritual revolves around undoing a handfasting.  For those of you unfamiliar with the term, handfasting is the pagan ritual similar to marriage.  The participants hands are bound during the ritual and they agree to walk their life path together for as long as they love each other.  To get rid of an ex, I recommend starting bound to the ex and undoing the bonds to release the energy of your previous bond and to begin to move on.  Obviously, your ex won’t be in the ritual so you’ll need stand in.  Here’s where there’s some room for variation, I’ll give you a couple.

If you have a good friend willing to stand in for your ex, you can do that.  Bless this person and make it clear that during the ritual they represent your ex but after the ritual, they’ll return to being your friend.  You can say something like this:

During this time that is not a time in this space that is not a space, you will be <ex’s name>.  We will release you and move on.  When we leave this time and this place, you shall return to your true nature but that which we’ve unbound will remain unbound and that which we’ve released will remain released forever.  So mote it be.

Bind your hands together and then during your ritual, unbind them and walk to opposite sides of the circle.  This symbolizes moving off the same life path and going your own way.

If you don’t want to have a person stand in, you can use two candles.  Get two man shaped (or woman shaped) candles.  Carve your name into one and your ex’s into the other.  Bind them together and have them on the altar.  At the appropriate time in the ritual, use scissors or a knife and physically cut the bonds.  Burn the candle with your ex’s name on it and allow it to burn down completely.  This will symbolize removing them from your life.

You can also use tarot cards.  Select one to represent yourself and one to represent your ex.  Lay them on top of one another on the altar.  During your ritual speak out your hurt feelings, your wounds and as you do so, slowly move the cards apart to opposite sides of the altar.  Release the energy that once held you together and your hurt.

Finally, you can have some fun with this idea too.  After all, laughter can be the best medicine.  My ex has a raging egomaniac.  You can go to an adult book store and get an inflatable doll.  Bind the hands like using a human stand in and then during the ritual, unbind yourself.  But this time, while walking away from your “ex”, open the air valve to deflate them.  I’m sure this one will give everyone in the ritual some giggles which can be very healing.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that I’m also a big fan of “acting in accord”.  In other words, act in a way to manifest whatever you’ve done in ritual.  Delete your ex from your contacts, your facebook, your myspace, etc.  Don’t go looking at their profile to see who they’re with now.  Don’t call them.  Make a clean break.

No matter how you do the actual ritual, I believe its important to do something to acknowledge and release the hurt feelings and the prior bonds during a breakup.  It can be as serious or as fun as you neeed.  Remember, this ritual is for your healing, do what will work best for you.

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